![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
What time is it there?
Sep. 29th, 2005 09:54 pmHey. It's been a long time. That could have been the last first day of school ever. It seems like I don't think about what's not happening to me anymore. Suddenly, I'm good at ignoring things like kitchen cabinets left open and my ripped shoe and the future. But still, the first thing I did after I got my desk was to wash the windowsill next to it. It's like, I'm going to be spending a lot of time there, and things will inevitably be put down onto the windowsill, so why not clean it now instead of getting all thsoe things dirty? It took a whole line of reasoning to be accomplished.
I was tired after the last first day. Except for the Seattle Public Library Booksale last weekend, I didn't see more than 15 people all together at one time all summer. Oh, also except for the Puyallup Fair before the booksale. And also when I went to Chicago, there were a lot of people there. And on the train coming home, too, but then we were all compartmentalized. Anyway, especially after I came home, I was very singular. I like my dog because he is alive but he doesn't speak, and the sidewalks don't talk either. Yesterday, I saw so many people. I had to start thinking about my appearance again. My face couldn't keep its shape. I was a soft cactus. If I could have one thing, I'd ask to be able to see myself from the outside, like a movie, to see how I move and what I do without knowing it. Well, really, I want to live backwards in time like Merlin. Or actually I want to fly.
When I was younger I used to try to catch myself thinking two thoughts at once. It's hard to prove that you've done it; it's not like you can ask your mom. I tried singing in the back of my mind and thinking something in the front, but even as I was trying I was thinking about trying, and thinking about thinking about trying, so maybe I did do it. I could never prove conclusively that my brain was not just working too fast to follow, thinking in a series rather than a moment. I have, however, figured out how to be in two places at once. This is what happens when you have to move a quantity of things from one place to another and it must take more than one trip. Groceries, or piles of grains of rice when there are no ants to help, or large drawings. It is horrible to have to split your mind like this, to leave one part unguarded and run up the stairs without seeing them. While you are in transport it is like being nowhere at all. At least, I can never remember actually being in motion afterwards. I just remember thinking about what is left at the beginning and what has already been taken to the end, and thinking about thinking about being in between.
I was tired after the last first day. Except for the Seattle Public Library Booksale last weekend, I didn't see more than 15 people all together at one time all summer. Oh, also except for the Puyallup Fair before the booksale. And also when I went to Chicago, there were a lot of people there. And on the train coming home, too, but then we were all compartmentalized. Anyway, especially after I came home, I was very singular. I like my dog because he is alive but he doesn't speak, and the sidewalks don't talk either. Yesterday, I saw so many people. I had to start thinking about my appearance again. My face couldn't keep its shape. I was a soft cactus. If I could have one thing, I'd ask to be able to see myself from the outside, like a movie, to see how I move and what I do without knowing it. Well, really, I want to live backwards in time like Merlin. Or actually I want to fly.
When I was younger I used to try to catch myself thinking two thoughts at once. It's hard to prove that you've done it; it's not like you can ask your mom. I tried singing in the back of my mind and thinking something in the front, but even as I was trying I was thinking about trying, and thinking about thinking about trying, so maybe I did do it. I could never prove conclusively that my brain was not just working too fast to follow, thinking in a series rather than a moment. I have, however, figured out how to be in two places at once. This is what happens when you have to move a quantity of things from one place to another and it must take more than one trip. Groceries, or piles of grains of rice when there are no ants to help, or large drawings. It is horrible to have to split your mind like this, to leave one part unguarded and run up the stairs without seeing them. While you are in transport it is like being nowhere at all. At least, I can never remember actually being in motion afterwards. I just remember thinking about what is left at the beginning and what has already been taken to the end, and thinking about thinking about being in between.
